oh huh wow the blog isn't dead i guess

just wanted to show that this dumbass art blog's still (probably) a thing.

i just haven't had any motivation to do much of anything recently.

my room's hell, well... more than it already is. trash all over in addition to all my shit being scattered around. i haven't opened my curtains for longer than a few minutes in what seems like ages, since the sun feels like it's so bright that it hurts my eyes for any longer than that... also because i have the curtain right up where i want it to be.

honestly i don't have a clue why i still update this blog, i don't ever do anything worthwhile anymore and the only person who views the damned thing is my mother. i'm thinking of finding some way of blocking her account from viewing this though because i want to be more open and use this as a general purpose blog rather than exclusively an art one.

i feel like total shit this year, though i was already feeling bad enough pretty late into last year so it's not like i'm one of those dipshit 'demic-depressies, as i call them (though the whole "zomg don't go outside ever pl0x" thing keeping me trapped here in hell with my shit family doesn't help things much).

not to mention that seeing the same few things all day every day with no variety tends to make you go a little nuts... god, anyone else develop imaginary friends to keep them company this year? i made up two.

i've been paranoid about basically everything too, my fear of what's lurking in the dark (thanks, literal years worth of reading creepypastas. [eyeroll] ) has almost become a full-on obsession with trying to hide from things that aren't there even though conciously i know that the only thing making the hallway floorboards creak is my clumsy stepping.

hey, did you know i've had a few days recently where i didn't leave my room at all, save for getting myself refills of milk? yeah, wasn't a fun challenge like i kept saying i wanted to do, i just couldn't muster up the energy to do my usual shtick about fucking everything up and not caring what people think because i'm supposed to be having too much fun with it.

my dysphoria's pretty bad too, i stuck my trans pride flag over the mirror in my room just because i didn't want to even have the possibility of looking at myself in full for a while there (and now i'm too lazy to move the damned thing)

i've also been binding less safely, there was that period of a few weeks where my ribs hurt every time i turned or breathed because i had my binder on for so long.

 

god, i should get to the fucking point instead of rambling on and on about nothing, right?

so to make this short, i guess what i'm trying to say is i feel like total garbage and i have lost all will to do what supposedly made me so happy... so why the fuck should i care anymore?

anyways, have some old fucking art pieces i didn't bother to try and put up here yet

first up:

an au where everyone is switched basically at random but the show still focuses on edd, matt, tom, and tord as though absolutely nothing happened. edd switches with jon and tom switches with eduardo... eduardo and jon are switched w totally dif ppl tho but i forget who currently, i'll have to check.

this was started as a drawing w tom/tord switched but i forgot to switch edd/matt too so i was gonna replace him with jon but i kinda zoned out while sketching and just sorta left edd in and then i realized starting my own dumbass au off that premise was a perfect excuse to draw tom with eyes so i did that and yknow

it looks like total shit though so make of that what you will

this is actually a screenshot redraw, the original is here:

smooshy tordle. precious tordle.

i should get like a fucking award or something for simultaniousely hating everything about legacy and yet still managing to like tord in it somehow.

and then:

he do be squeeshin da tommee doe

another worthless idea inspired this. this time it was "what if instead of tom's bass in that one scene it wtfuture it was his plush bear instead"

and so then i drew this fucking abomination

original screenshot:

you know you've lost all interest in doing something when the only time you get ideas is when you're copying other people's stuff.

yeah.

this is all for a long while, i hope.

i'm writing some fanfics too but i don't really care to put either of them here.

and for anyone who might be slightly interested - slime climb will be done whenever i stop fucking moping around uselessly, i guess.

-lance